Thursday, April 14, 2011

Learning Journal 30

I feel like this semester flew by! I swear just yesterday I had decided to go to Tonga on a field study and here I am getting ready to finish the prep class and take off in about 3 weeks. It has been a crazy and stressful semester. I am glad it is over but the prospect of actually having to leave the country and go to a foreign land is still really intimidating. As the time gets closer for me to leave I get more and more excited but I still can't shake the feelings of nervousness and sometimes downright fear. These feelings stem from the fact that I have never been out of the country before I have very little experience with different cultures, and I have very little ideas of what it will be like once I get down there. This will be the first time I have ever been anywhere without a group of friends or family. Anytime I have ever been somewhere other than my home the other people I am with make the decisions and know what they are doing. I am going down to Tonga with a group but we will all be in different families and will basically be doing our own thing, making our own decisions, and don't really know what we are going to be doing. I have really been thinking about things down there and how I'm basically going to be by myself in Tonga. I will be alone to make my own decisions and do my own thing. It is a daunting task that many times has caused me to wonder if I can handle it. Many times I have had thoughts of "what am I doing? I can't do this!". I was talking to my roommates about a month ago and told them I couldn't do it, I didn't want to be alone. I was kind of having a bit of a break down actually. One of them told me that I won't be alone, that I'll never be alone. Heavenly Father will always be there watching over me. This really hit me hard. I knew this principle but I've never applied it like that. I know this sounds cheesy but I firmly believe in this principle. It gives me such hope and comfort and I feel a lot better about going to a foreign country. I know everything will be okay because I have the Lord on my side.

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